Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
