And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
