What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
