You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize