toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize