When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
