My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
