every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
