Who did Billy Mays play for?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
