I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
