there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
