idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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