PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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