I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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