my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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