also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
