i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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