your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
