3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
