ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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