He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
