Do you still have your period?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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