I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
