Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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