Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
