I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
