so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
