eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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