worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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