so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
