You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
