Porn is love you can see.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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