He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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