I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
