i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
