You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
