Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
