Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
