Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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