I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
