I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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