Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
