pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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