I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
