A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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