You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
