You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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