I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
