was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
