i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
