i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Someone shit on the floor
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
