Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
