If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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