Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
