Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
