he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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