She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
