Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
