She is in my trunk
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
