I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
