I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
