i would punch a child for taco bell
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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