It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
