Need sex. Gaining weight.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
