so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
