I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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