just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
