take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
