I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
