Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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