dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
